Don't Swallow Your Tongue

Feelings unexpressedSilent lies we tell to hide Vulnerability.

One of the chief causes of conflict is withheld communication. Unexpressed emotion can be every bit as destructive to a relationship as unbridled feelings.

What causes us to withhold?

Fear of loss, the anger of another or other consequences can have us chose to remain silent rather than be forthcoming. When we lose our courage to communicate our fears, concerns or upsets in a timely way we enable weak-heartededness.

This in an error of omision. Dishonesty destabilizes relationships every bit as much as an angry outburst. The difference is that dishonesty can remain hidden and unrectified longer.

If we fear being honest in relationship there are trust issues that have not been addressed. The opportunity is to recognize that more open and honest dialogue is required and measures can be taken to create greater safety in the relationship.

If we are unwilling or unable to strengthen trust and openness some questions beg to be asked:

• Is this a good relationship for me?

• Why am I unable to be honest and forthcoming with this person?

• What is the fear that keeps me from expressing my thoughts and feelings?

• What agreements would help open the lines of communication?

• What do I mistrust about my own communication that renders me silent? What do I mistrust about the communications of the other party?

• How am I with conflict in relationship? What are my strengths and challenges in conflict?

• What do I really want in this situation or from this person? What do they want from me?

• How could I ask for what I want in a way that allows me to be honest about my feelings and protect this relationship?

Nothing weakens a relationship faster than unexpressed feelings. Say what's so when it's so; don't swallow your tongue.

© Patrick O’Neill 2011. All rights reserved.