Limits and Boundaries

Limits and boundariesset without consequences invite trespassers.

One of the most difficult experiences in relationship is betrayal. When our limits and boundaries are betrayed we often feel victimized, especially when the transgressor is someone we love and trust.

We seldom examine our own culpability in the matter.

Everyone knows that children will always test the limits and that it is part of the maturation process. We are taught that good parenting includes setting consequences for stepping across the line. As a matter of fact, our rule of law depends on consequences as a deterrent to criminal behavior.

All too often we have not thought through our limits and boundaries in relationship. Nor have we considered what the consequences should be for failure to observe them. Moreover, we often fail to communicate these important distinctions until something bad happens. That's too late.

Why is it that we forget that limits and boundaries with no consequences for trespassers is an act of self-sabotage? Failure to set them, communicate them and uphold them with appropriate measures is a sure fire way to ensure they are violated. No consequences equals no change.

Before we point fingers at others for crossing the line perhaps we should take a good look at our own collusion to the injury.

© Patrick O’Neill 2011. All rights reserved.